I tried to write this silly post once already and it turned into a sermon. I don’t do sermons. I’m more comfortable ranting. So - said rant will be quick before I start deviating into tangents that I’ll leave for my senior pastor to tackle on any given Sunday.

2004 has been very different so far. I’m not sure if anyone’s noticed, but I’ve taken a break from certain aspects of my life, both off- and online, to spend a little time getting my life in order. Life in general has been pretty hectic with a wedding and school to think about, but the slice of life I’m talking about in this post comprises an integral part of me: my Christianity.

Where that part of me is concerned, the rundown goes something like this: I am tired of being such a passive Christian. Nominal Christianity (Sunday-only Christianity, basically) is impossible to maintain. It means going to a nice-looking building with stained-glass windows every Sunday to sing songs I don’t really mean and to hear a feel-good lesson about life that I could’ve probably read out of a self-help book. No thanks.

I’m tired of being a passive Christian. And the only way to become a passionate Christian is to step away from everything that’s familiar and comfortable to me and become a pioneer and a wanderer.

This means viewing what Christianity means to me not as a weekly trudge to the sanctuary for a sermon and a couple of songs, but as a personal adventure with God. That sounds so weird, doesn’t it? For one thing, this is God we’re talking about. That distant, unseen being who I’m supposed to be serving. How can anyone have an adventure - with God of all people!?

Easy. Let Him define my horizons. To be in control of my own situation means maintaining this spiritual routine that bores me to death already. But what if I left all that up to God? What if I told Him, “Okay, God, I’m tired of this crap. Give me a challenge already - otherwise, I’m gone.”

They say be careful what you wish for. That applies also to prayers, because one may regret what they ask God to do if they’re not prepared for the answer they receive.

That’s where I am right now. I stepped out and challenged Him to give me an adventure to live - now it’s a matter of actually accepting whether or not I want to embark on that adventure. I don’t know what’s in store for me, all of my expectations got kicked out of the house, and the horizon I had defined for myself disappeared as if God had used the eraser at the end of His pencil, which I suspect He did.

Do you have any idea how frightening that is? It’s like deciding to go on a hiking trip in Mongolia without a guide. And I am not the sort of person who will do anything or go anywhere if I don’t know what the itinerary is. I’m afraid God doesn’t hand those out, even when we ask nicely. This, to me, is true risk-taking.

So - that’s what’s going on with me right now. It’s difficult to be upfront about something so meaningful to me when I have a tendency to be mysterious and eloquent enough in most of my posts here that people don’t really react much unless I churn out something really out there. But in case you’ve been wondering why I’ve been absent, this is why.

And “taking a break” in this case is relative. I don’t know if I’ll return to the aspects of my life that I decided to take a sabbatical from. But I’ll still be here.